It's your fault were splitting up.

What do you mean you didn't nick it? I'm not made of money you know.

And remember - if your teacher gives you any gyp, chin him.

Here's a knife for the next time you get picked on.

Bring home some more of those computers from school.

You don’t want to believe everything you hear about fireworks.

I lost mine at 11; you’re not gay are you?

Where’s your piggy bank?

I only went with your mother because she’s dirty.

Your mums not always been a bloater you know.

Oh, she had loads of fellas before I turned up.

Yes, you were a mistake.

Yes, you were adopted.

Homework's for dorks.

Nicking cars is easy, everyone’s doing it.

Arson, prostitutes - they’re alright, but drugs...

Make sure they’re dead next time.

All those foreign kids are the same.

To be honest, your real dad could’ve been anyone in the rugby team.

You make babies by sticking it in their ears while they’re not looking.

Qualifications are for losers.

I'll stand outside the exam hall and shout the answers.

Get us a ticket for your school dance.

That Rebecca in your class, she’s alright isn’t she?

How do you spell "divorce"?

Soak it in ketchup and it’ll get bigger, I promise.

I only shagged them because I loved your mother.

I don’t care if it is your birthday; I’m having those trainers.

What’s wrong with sardines?

In my day, everyone lived on sardines.

They go well with peas.

Hide this packet in the garden, there’s a nasty policeman at the door.

If she puts her tongue in your mouth that’s it, you’re a father.

No means Yes.

Bullies like people who stand up to them.

No, Ill cut your hair.

Don’t worry, ugly kids do better in the end.

Oh stop crying, you’ll easily fit up that chimney.

Don’t be ashamed, even daddy wets the bed sometimes.

Go on, it’s just like sherbet, but for your nose.

If you loved daddy, you would.

Don’t listen to your mum, it’s yours and you can wash it as fast as you like.