Some of these may be offensive. If you think you will be offended then don't read them.
For the everybody else, they're damn funny... just don't actually use them.

I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package

You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway the heaven?

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Are those real? ... Prove it!

You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?

Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.".

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?

(Look down at your crotch) Well, it's not just going to suck itself.

Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.

You must wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them.

I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???

If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

Excuse me, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?

I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

I wonder what it would be like to kiss someone I never kissed before

Come sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.

*call a girl over with your finger* I made you come with just one finger, imagine what I can do with more


If you have any more additions, send them to me.