And so it is written, it shall be known simply as "the code".

Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

When you are queried by anyone to the whereabouts of a friend, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rises to 300%)

It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits.

Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed by his fellow partygoers.

Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies fridge is forbidden. You may gripe only if its warm.

No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should the situation escalate to picking her up, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate expert knowledge of the game.

If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothin'

The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her friends significant others (low-level sports bonding is sufficient)

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

When your girlfriend expresses the desire to fix her whiney friend up with your buddy, you may give her permission only if you are able to give your buddy sufficient time to think of an excuse.

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" , "C'mon, give me one more!" and "Harder!"

While shopping with your significant other and bordem comes along, go and get 12 boxes of comdoms and randomly put them in peoples shopping carts.

Hide in the middle of clothing racks and when someone comes along grab an article of clothing and say pick me, pick me.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

Never join your girlfriend in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FUCK OFF", you are absolved of your of responsibility.

The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.