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If this sounds harsh, too bad. Women are always trying to impose rules on men (look at any issue of cosmopolitan) its time that there were some rules set forth for women to follow.
Yes
and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.
Peach is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. Fuchsia is
pink.
If it itches, it will be scratched.
Do not fake it.
We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
Ask for what you
want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints
do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
Do not cut
your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
No, we do not know what day it is.
We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
Birthdays,
Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the
perfect present yet again!
We are not mind readers and we never
will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we
care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. Goes along with the absense of mind reading
ability.
Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, hockey scores and monster
trucks.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
Weekend = sports. It's like the full moon or
the changing of the tides. Let it be.
When we have to go
somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have
enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Crying is
blackmail.
Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
What the hell is
a doily?
Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Porn is a
necessary part of society.
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's
up, Put it down.
Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are
bound to miss sometimes.
It is neither in your best interest or
ours to take the quiz together.
No, it does not matter which quiz.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.
If something we said
can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway;
it is genetic.
Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose
their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
More
women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at
boobs.
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it
done; not both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need
directions, and either do we.
The relationship is never going to
be like it was the first two months we were going out.
Beer is as
exciting for us as handbags are for you.
If it is OUR house, I do
not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about
having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her
together.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to;
expect an answer you do not want to hear.
Sometimes, we are not
thinking about you. Live with it.
If you think you are fat, you
probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
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